


Anything

by MurderBaby



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Exactly as old as needed to be for you to feel comfortable, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Weep babies, smooches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:38:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderBaby/pseuds/MurderBaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon wants more than Killua knows how to give, until Gon learns the magic words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gon

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write this, and get it out of my brain, so I could free up space to write my much longer post-2011 fic. I'm still evolving in my relationship to Killugon and how their relationship plays out in the smooch realm, so I appreciate your feedback and thoughts. I just love my beautiful boys.

Gon tangled one hand in Killua's fingers, and the second in Killua’s messy, white hair. He slid his fingertips down long, pale fingers, and over two upturned palms. He encircled a snow white wrist slashed by blue veins with his own strong, brown hand. Gon spread his fingers wide enough to pull the wrists together. The wrists crossed, and left two arms pulled taut above Gon's target's head.

Gon arched his back. He pressed his lips to a forehead slicked with sweat, and thrumming with hot blood under the skin. He didn't need to see Killua's face to know that the muscles tightened into a frown with the first kiss on his forehead, broke into a grimace with the second on his cheek, and collapsed with a sigh with the third when their lips met. Gon knew enough to know that the moment he pulled away - which he would definitely do - the pale face would turn to him, and sapphire eyes would open up to a full glare.

"Idiot," Killua said. He made no sound, but he moved his lips in perfect articulation of every syllable.  
Gon smiled, wide enough to close his own eyes.

Gon tugged on thick tufts of white-blond hair, until Killua's chin tipped up and away from the neck. He watched Killua's pale throat bob under the fabric of his turtleneck. Gon lowered his mouth to the tender spot where the neck curved up towards the cheek. Gon barely managed to brush his lips to the skin before Killua groaned, and then went silent. Gon felt Killua's wrist muscles tense and release while his hands opened and closed. Gon squeezed the two wrists firmly. 

"Killua," Gon whispered. He freed his hand from the tangle of white hair, and slid it to caress Killua's cheek. He settled his hips firmly over his friend's pelvis. He gently maneuvered Killua's face until their eyes met. 

"Please?" Gon asked, containing his longing, but only just barely. Killua's eyes widened, briefly, and then closed. He nodded, and tilted his chin. Gon made a sound deep in his throat somewhere between a groan and a growl. He moved his hand from Killua's face to the fabric in between him and the soft prize of his friend's sensitive neck. He slid the fabric down, bit by bit, and covered each inch of exposed neck with his mouth. 

Killua's fingers spread, and curled up and over Gon's hand. Gon felt him straining, using all of his energy not rip his arms out of his friend's grasp, and shove Gon across the room. Gon felt his stomach turn over, with excitement and fear and concern. It was too much. He thought he might burst. He deftly switched between holding down the crossed wrists, and threading his fingers through the curled fingers. Both of Killua's hands suddenly gripped Gon's fingers so tightly that Gon was pretty sure a normal person would be sent to the hospital. 

But grabbing Gon's hands unlocked something tying Killua’s heart down. As Gon continued pressing his lips to his friend's throat, and straining muscles, and quivering jugular veins, Killua unleashed a quiet moan deep in his belly that traveled up into his throat. Gon felt skin vibrate under his lips. His astute hearing could pick up how much Killua was struggling with himself to not quiet his pleasure, and disappear inside himself. 

Gon didn't know if he could manage the careful pace he'd promised himself to maintain. He mumbled Killua's name, and pressed his lips to his friend's Adam's apple. 

"Killua, please stop me if..." Gon said. He stopped midsentence when Killua lifted his head up, and kissed him.

He remembered the first time he kissed Killua. Gon assumed he'd ruined everything when he did that the first time, laying next to his friend under a starry sky. Gon pulled his face away, worried he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. 

Killua's shining blue eyes and surprised mouth froze for so long that Gon sat up, ready to run. Then Killua grabbed Gon's wrist, and when Gon turned back his friend's face was flushed with the prettiest pink color Gon had ever seen. 

"Do it again," Killua said, without meeting his friend's eyes. Gon nearly shouted with triumph. 

Now he knew he had to take every step with his friend slowly. It was only the most incredible luck, anyway, that gave Gon every precious moment with his beloved friend. He wasn't about to make whatever time they had left run out any faster by getting ahead of himself. 

Killua’s head tipped back, and Gon went deeper. Soon, Gon couldn't focus on pinning Killua's arms down. He pressed both of his hands to his friend's warm face. Killua's grasping hands wrapped around Gon's back, and Gon felt sharp fingernails digging into his shoulder blades. 

Gon sat up, and pulled Killua up with him. He pulled Killua against his body until his mouth was only inches from Killua's flushed, panting lips. Gon tilted his head forward until his forehead pressed against his friend's. Gon's golden eyes focused on Killua's half-lidded ones. Killua's eyes liked to change from the bright blue of a summer sky, to the murky color of sea water, to the rich shades of the brightest moonlit night. Right now, Gon saw sparkling sapphires, and he smiled despite his heaving breath. 

Gon moved his hands to the bottom hem of his friend's shirt. Killua closed his eyes as Gon's fingers brushed under the shirt fabric. His fingers reached out to find trembling skin. Nothing made Gon pout harder than the fact that Killua was basically impossible to tickle. Killua would just look at him quizzically when Gon tried. So, feeling Killua's powerful stomach muscles twitch under his fingers now felt like finding lost treasure. He turned his fingers up, and grabbed the fabric. He started to pull it up, and pulled his head back to look at his friend clearly. 

Killua opened his eyes, and blushed under Gon's direct gaze. He grabbed Gon's hands, and shoved them away from his body. Gon felt a pulse of disappointment inside, which made him ashamed in equal measure. He truly never wanted go past Killua's comfort zone. Killua's mind and heart and body often fell totally out of sync, so Gon tried to never make assumptions about what would be okay, no matter how strongly Gon wanted to do something. He pulled back, and leaned on his hands. He exercised every ounce of his considerable willpower waiting for his friend's decision. 

Gon wanted to prove to Killua how precious his desires were to him. He wanted to hold them carefully in his hands, like wounded animals. He wanted to wait, and match his breathing to their breathing, until he could hold them against his chest, and feel their beating hearts.

Killua's eyes searched Gon's face. Gon opened his expression, and smiled as gently as he could. He felt his own heart beat with longing, and with hope. He also knew he'd be happy just to watch his friend's blue eyes change shades of blue in the low light of the bedroom. 

"Gon," Killua said, with his serious, deep, full voice. Gon sat up straighter, and waited. Killua continued to blush, his smooth, pale skin changing to a completely entrancing shade of pink. Killua's tilted his head down. 

Without wasting any movement or time, Killua grabbed his own shirt. He pulled it up and over his head, and tossed it on the floor. He lifted his head up, again, and met Gon's surprise with a defiant look. The blue of his eyes looked like the dark, swirling blue of a stormy ocean. Gon watched Killua's front teeth bite his full lower lip. 

Gon couldn't keep his hands to himself. He slowly reached for his friend's face. Both of his hands curved behind his dear friend's jaw. His thumb trailed along his friend's cheeks and nose and lips. Killua sucked in breath quickly through his nose and mouth, and Gon pulled his hands back. 

"Gon," Killua said, again, and Gon could feel his friend's immense courage winding up inside of his body like a yo-yo spinning on its string. 

Killua opened his mouth, bit his lip, and looked down again. "Please?" asked Killua.

He moved too fast. He knew he was moving too fast. Gon's hands slipped from Killua's cheeks, down his long neck, and down both of Killua's bare arms. Gon crawled over Killua's legs, and couldn't tell if Killua had fallen back, or Gon had pushed him. Killua had said "Please," and there was never any doubt in either's minds that Killua could toss Gon's body off of him like a rag doll. Killua dwarfed Gon in power and experience at this stage in their life. 

As he looked down at shades of grey and white and dark blue and black that made up the palette of Killua's skin in the moonlight, Gon knew that the moment Killua had to use violence to say no, it would be all over. No amount of time or medical attention or Nen could heal that wound. 

Killua's body was a finely honed blade, a sword held by a master fencer, poised with an edge of lethal power. Killua's mind contained the experiences of a life filled with danger that only precise and perfect planning could have survived.

When Gon's two hands began to explore Killua's chest in the moonlight, he felt his own blood pumping in his hands. He felt the heart fluttering under skin and muscles and rib cage. Killua's throat moved as Gon coaxed surprising, deeply pleasing sounds out of Killua's lungs and stomach. 

Gon felt his strong, beautiful, powerful, lonely, sad, kind friend's heart beat. He knew that it would be easy to reach into his friend's mouth, search down deep, and pull a still beating heart out. He could crush it into red pulp. Every moment Killua granted him permission like this, he might as well be offering Gon his own life on a silver platter.

And Gon was ravenous. He wanted everything he was offered. He wanted to feel every shiver as flesh turned to goose bumps. He wanted to see Killua's stomach curve away from touch, and then reach back, eager to return to his hand. He leaned down, and moved his hand and mouth along the shades and shapes of his friend's chest and stomach until he reached the knotted belt around Killua's narrow waist.

He felt Killua's finger curve around the back of his head, pulling him ever so slightly closer. He listened for every shift. He retreated when Killua's defenses rose up, and celebrated the moment the defenses fell with a sigh of pleasure.

Three sharp fingernails dug into Gon's neck hard enough that Gon actually said "Ow!" Killua's head popped up, and his hazy voice muttered an apology. Gon looked up from his friend's waist. He laughed, kindly, and grabbed the guilty hand. He kissed the fingertips and palm. He looked at those dark blue eyes, and then was able to briefly pause to collect himself when Killua's eyes closed. Gon realized what he needed to say next.

"Killua, you can do whatever you want to me," Gon said, sincerely. Killua's eyes snapped open.

"Anything?!" Killua asked, incredulous. Then his voice dropped into a soft, private pitch. "Gon, what the fuck?”

"Anything," Gon said. He repeated it. He stared up at his friend, and Killua nodded once, and then twice. 

"Anything?"

Gon nodded again. When Killua moved his hand, and slipped his thumb into Gon's mouth, Gon knew talking again tonight, and possibly ever again, had been rendered nearly impossible. He felt incoherent now as he slid his tongue over his friend's long, slim thumb. His eyes closed, and he lost track of himself as Killua curled his legs, and slipped down the bed. When Gon's eyes opened again, Killua's body lay parallel with Gon's. He slowly slipped his thumb from from Gon's hungry mouth. 

"Anything?" Killua repeated, under his breath, barely above whispering the word. Gon nodded, and Killua wasted no time. He pulled Gon's shirt above Gon's head, roughly. Gon just smiled as he watched his friend's intense concentration.


	2. Killua

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Practicing writing from both perspectives is my favorite challenge in any of my KilluGon stories. Killua lives in my bones, but Gon is so fun to write, too.

Heat moved from Killua's belly into his chest, down his arms, until it sparked out of his fingers like lightning. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, a little too hard, and considered how much he could handle before his body fell apart into charred cinders like a log in a bonfire.

Gon held his face and hands still, but Killua saw Gon's golden eyes moving over him. Looking for any movement. Eager and poised like Gon was a predator watching his prey. Like Killua hadn't spent every moment since they began planning how he would devour his friend's golden body.

_Idiot_

Killua pressed his lips to Gon's mouth.

_You were the one who said I could do "Anything I wanted," right?_

Gon yielded, and his head fell back against the blanket. He gripped the fabric with his strong hands. Killua ran his own hands down Gon's arms, and felt the muscles strain with the effort of anchoring themselves to the bed.

_When you look at me like that, I know I can't keep this up forever._

Killua felt Gon's tongue parry against the invasion, and then retreat. Killua felt Gon's heat, and it made the fire in his stomach jump and dance. He felt it try to consume him from the inside. Killua realized his eyes were closed, and when he opened them, Gon's eyes glowed back towards him thru the darkness. They'd been watching him. Killua pulled his head back, overwhelmed by those eyes.

_When you look at me like I'm the whole world._

Killua pulled his knees underneath his body, and sat up on them. Gon's eyes finally closed. Killua released his breath. Killua slid his leg over Gon's hips and stomach. Gon made that sound somewhere between a groan and a growl from deep in his throat. The sound was like a warm breeze whipping the flames inside of Killua into a frenzy. He straddled Gon's hips, and knew how dangerous it would be when Gon opened his eyes again.

_When you look at me like there's something inside, something deeper, that only you can see._

Gon's hips rose up under Killua. Killua had to stop breathing again as he pressed himself back against Gon's strength until he sat firmly in place atop his friend's body. He muttered, "Anything?" again. He knew Gon could hear him perfectly when Gon nodded, and crossed his arms behind his head, smiling and waiting. Killua focused on his own hands as they set to work. He unbuttoned Gon's jacket. Gon kept his arms crossed behind his head. His eyes stayed shut. He smiled puckishly. The flames threatened to pour out of Killua's mouth, and he heard himself groan before he could stop the sound by biting his lip.

_When you look at me, I know it's only a matter of time before you realize the truth, and that terrifies me._

Under the jacket was a plain black tee-shirt. Killua pressed his hands to Gon's chest, and moved them towards Gon's pants. He pulled the tucked in shirt out of Gon’s pants. He slipped his fingers underneath the shirt’s thin fabric. Gon made fists with his hands behind his head. One eye peeked open. His smile turned into a grimace as Killua pushed his fingernails up against the skin of Gon's stomach and chest. As he dragged them back down, that eye snapped close, and Gon's smile was replaced by a soft O shape. Killua pulled his hands out of the shirt, and considered his options.

"Anything?" Killua asked.

Gon's face twisted into an expression somewhere between excitement and frustration. He nodded, again, and again.

Killua looked at his right index finger as he transformed it into a deadly sharp razor. He grabbed the collar of Gon's shirt with his left hand. He slid his right finger under the collar, and slowly cut a straight line from Gon's neck to his navel. The shirt slipped open, and Gon's skin looked like dusty sandstone underneath. Killua risked looking up at Gon's face now. His eyes were closed tightly. His two hands behind his head gripped each other so tightly Killua could see the muscles move in his arms. Killua couldn't help but smirk.

Faint white and red lines of smooth scar tissue covered Gon's chest. Killua used that same razor nail to gently trace each scar. Gon wriggled under his touch. Killua moved slowly, carefully, knowing exactly how much pressure to exert to keep that gorgeous brown skin intact.

_Like what you can see inside of me isn't just my desperate, endless, ravenous hunger for you._

Ticklish didn't even start to describe how Gon reacted to Killua's delicate touch. Gon bucked his hips, and lifted his chest and head, and fought desperately to avoid laughing. Killua's smirk disappeared as he felt the insistent heat of Gon's body move underneath him. He retracted the nail of his hand, and pressed both palms firmly to Gon's chest to still him.

_I know when we first kissed you looked at me like you'd committed a terrible offense. My reaction made you assume I didn't want you to do that, and you apologized effusively for it._

"Killua..." Gon said. He lifted his head, and freed his arms from the now ruined shirt. Killua lifted his hands as he watched Gon wriggle under him. Killua grabbed the clothes, and tossed them on the floor. He looked back at Gon, who was leaning back on his bent arms. Killua swallowed hard when he saw the look on Gon's face.

"Killua, please?" Gon said, his voice a husky pout. Killua tilted his head back away from Gon's face automatically, and felt the sudden dryness of his mouth. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't lose his mind before he could respond.

"What, dude?"

Gon leaned as close as he could, bending at the waist until his arms bent straight, propping himself up.

"Killua, please kiss me?"

_I looked at you like that when you kissed me, because it meant that I was dreaming. And I've dreamed about this for so long, that it took all of my willpower not to..._

Their lips met, and the force of it pushed Gon back to the bed. Killua felt the warmth of Gon's skin press against him. He tangled his fingers in Gon's coarse, black hair. Gon held his hands still at his sides, balled into fists. Killua felt a wave of smoky, heavy need coarse through his body. He throbbed with the sudden desire to hear Gon say "Please?" again. He kissed Gon's lips gently, and leaned back, while keeping his right hand pressed against Gon's chest.

_We've grown so much closer so much faster than I ever anticipated when we reunited. You grew so much taller, with wide shoulders, strong arms, and calloused hands. Your skin is dark red and brown from time working under a baking sun. All of my feelings from when I first loved you as a child are stronger. So strong that I can't trust myself to feel all of them._

Killua scooted down Gon's hips. Gon slid his legs together as Killua settled on his thighs. Gon whimpered. When Killua touched his right hand to Gon's belt buckle, Gon drew in his breath in a sharp gasp. He traced the brass colored rectangle with his first three fingers on his right hand. Gon looked up at him with big eyes. Those golden eyes were gasoline poured on the bonfire inside Killua's torso. He looked down, and hooked his index and middle finger under the belt buckle, and started to edge it open. He stopped, and then shrugged his left shoulder.

Gon's eyes somehow got even bigger. Killua heard Gon's breath escape in ragged, shallow bursts.

"Hmmm?" Killua hummed, innocently, the sound lilting up ever so slightly.

Gon's eyes were molten gold. He had to keep his eyes focused on Gon's bobbing throat, and heaving chest. He imagined those golden eyes flowing into him. He felt the heat filing his lungs, leaking into his heart. He might suffocate, but the bigger fear he harbored was wondering what walls inside himself would break down. What would be unleashed without those walls to stop it?

"Killua," said Gon, slowly and insistently. Killua didn't look at him, but repeated his questioning hum. Gon moved his hips, and Killua had to look up at the ceiling. He tapped the metal of Gon's belt buckle. He was not going to lose this game of tug of war.

"Gon, I'm pretty fucking sure my name isn't the magic word," Killua said, trying to sound as casual as one could manage in this situation, but it came out in a strained rush. He peeked down, and Gon smiled back at him. Gon's canines flashed threateningly in the moonlight.

"Killua?" Gon asked. Killua hooked his finger under the clasp, and flicked it open.

"Yes?" Killua muttered as he slipped his fingers under the belt, and tugged.

His left hand slid to Gon's stomach. He felt Gon's belly move as he giggled. He heard Gon's exuberant voice as Gon's head fell back flat to the bed.

"Please, Killua?"

Killua tugged, again, loosening the buckle. He slowly slid the end of the belt through the buckle. He paused.

"Please what, Gon?"

Gon groaned, loudly. He then propped himself up on his arms, again, unable to stay still, but not wanting to break his self-imposed challenge to keep his hands to himself.

"Please..." Gon said, and then he stopped to consider exactly what he wanted to ask for. Killua felt his own hands ball into fists as the tables turned underneath him.

"Please, don't be afraid," Gon said.

Killua looked at those golden eyes. He wandered lost inside of them.

"I want anything you give me," Gon said, seriously. Killua felt his walls crumble. He fell forward, and Gon wrapped his arms around him.

_When I met you, everything in my life began to change. My emotions were no longer my own. Everything that made me who I am now belongs to you._

Killua fumbled between the crush of their bodies. When Gon decided that his hands-off rule was over, it was hard to maintain the same level of composure. His fingers awkwardly managed to unfasten the buttons on Gon's shorts. He stabbed himself in the hand when he reached for the zipper, as Gon decided the most productive thing to do was run his teeth and lips over every inch of Killua's throat.

Killua tried so hard to wrap his arms around the stampeding bull in his chest. He felt horns pierce through his self-denial, he felt the gaping hole in his self-control. The twisting angry muscles tried to throw him off. All of his strength meant nothing. His precision and experience and training meant nothing.

The flat, hot press of that tongue. It curved around the tendons of his neck as he craned his head back. Soft and inescapable. The lips and teeth pressed into his skin more dangerously than razor blades. They climbed up, and slid down. That mouth assaulted him. Sounds of satisfied pleasure left Killua's mouth in a triumphant retreat. Every sound was matched note for note deep down in that other heart.

The rampaging beast inside of him tore apart the carefully built fortress containing his desires, his needs, and his love. The bull stepped carefully around that live wire in the center, growing larger feasting on the jumping and sparking energy.

Even with two hands, it felt like it took a clumsy infinity to reach down between their bodies. That distracting mouth succeeded in making unfastening a button, and unzipping a zipper, the most immense challenge of his life, give or take. When he'd finally managed the task, he reached inside. Time had shrunk and stretched in turn. Everything moved too fast. The smooth, insistent, overwhelming heat in his hands stopped the course of his life. He felt everything careening into a completely different direction.

Killua felt that hot mouth shudder. Two hands pressed against his back. Sharp nails dug into his skin, tying their bodies together. His right hand gripped that core of hunger. His left hand wrapped around that anchoring arm's straining muscles.

He'd known how to end a life with one deft strike since he was a child. Life and death met on the thin, razor sharp tip of his hands.

His hand moved slowly, softly, tentatively. His hand never wielded more power than it did now.

The live wire pulsed, and his heart beat wildly around it. He lifted himself up with his left hand, and looked down. Those eyes offered him a small amount of mercy by closing. The bunching skin and muscles of that face looked pained, but he then saw that torture device of a mouth spell out the word "Please."

Killua dipped his mouth down until he covered that other mouth with his own. His hand moved, and his mouth moved.

"Anything?"

He already knew the answer to his mumbled question. He pushed himself down until his mouth found that twisting neck, and felt the vibrating pulse under his own lips and tongue. The mouth he'd just freed gulped in air like a head bobbing above roiling ocean water.

He moved again. His hand below continued its slow work.The sounds changed to purring hums. His mouth found an endless amount of terrain to explore. The rise and fall of this immense chest disappeared into the horizon of his attention span. It would take more than one lifetime to chart out every discovery he would make.

How could he find so much tender skin and so much molten heat? Did he know that this was finally the fire in which his body would be burned, the hell in which his soul would finally be damned? He knew it perfectly well. He grabbed hold of that charging bull with both hands, and rode it over the edge into a lake of fire.

He heard that voice. The words lost their way as they traveled through the superconductive air between them. They sparked inside his pounding ears. He couldn't understand the words, but they filled his bones like his own thick, pooling desire.

"Now."  
"Please."  
"Please?"

He looked up, and saw those eyes. How had he ever looked into those eyes, and managed to survive in the past? It would not surprise him if he was actually dead, and doomed to feel those luminous orbs stare into his mind, see him entirely for who he was, for eternity. When those eyes fell on him, it felt like his memories of childhood when he considered how small he was next to his father, how terrified he was of being left alone. They looked at his vulnerability, and swallowed it in a flood.

Those eyes glowed like fireflies in the night. They pleaded with him. He couldn't hear the desperate need, but he saw it pour in shining waves out of those eyes.

Unable to hold that gaze any longer, he considered the final obstacle to their goals. He sat up, and settled between those tree trunk thighs. Would those legs just snap together, and break him in half? Would it make a difference? He was already split in two: one half love, one half a gaping maw of endless hunger.

Selfish need, and desperately afraid. Hoping against every instinct in his body that his love was returned. He couldn't say it. He would maybe never have the words for it.

He felt that pleading heat pound against his limbs and brain and heart.

_Please, please, please_

He could never be enough. He would never offer enough. At least he could die trying.

He felt for the waist of those shorts, and felt two hands already there, struggling. He considered just tearing them off, but he'd probably ruined enough clothing tonight. He reached over the struggling hands, and together they managed to remove that final barrier.

He looked to the side as he tossed the clothing to the floor. He slowly looked back to risk seeing his handiwork. He gulped as his breath escaped in ragged gasps.


	3. Gon & Killua

He clasped his hands together above his head as he watched Killua's blue eyes widen. He shivered as he felt the chill of the night on his bare skin. He stretched under the yellow moon's light. This feeling was exhilarating and terrifying. His stomach filled with flapping butterfly wings.

He watched Killua's blue eyes change to the sparkling blue of the ocean early in the morning. They were flecked with glistening light. The eyes darted over his body, became overcome by the effort, and then returned to take in more. He felt the blush first rise deep in his chest, like he'd been running hard for hours. It traveled deep into his belly, and filled him. He tightened his fingers together until they resembled the complicated knots holding a sail in place during a tempest.

Blue eyes narrowed, and a pink tongue darted out between soft lips. Killua's mouth opened, slowly, and closed even more slowly. Whatever Killua couldn't say made him squirm from his toes to his face. He found himself trying to speak, as well, and failing. The sound he managed to make grumbled out of his throat like thunder.

Killua blinked at that sound, and shook his head. Killua turned his sea blue eyes up at him. The thrill of watching those eyes watch him turned from excitement to terror to something deeper than either. The feelings ripped his hands apart, and he reached out to his sides. He used his left hand to push himself closer. He reached out with his right hand. 

For what? Killua's blue eyes jumped like a startled animal's. He turned the palm of his right hand up. He opened his hand. He propped himself up on his left elbow.

If nothing else happened, if Killua ran now and never came back, he wouldn't feel a moment's regret. He felt that sincerely as he opened his hand. He smiled with his entire heart when Killua grabbed that open hand. They squeezed each other's hands tightly.

"Gon," Killua whispered. Gon's heart leapt. Gon turned and reached out with his left hand, but Killua had already moved faster than his eyes could track.

Lightning struck Gon's body as Killua's mouth swallowed his entire hardness. He fell back against the bed with a heavy thump. His hips bucked up, but he felt the force of two incredibly strong hands forcing him back against the bed.

Gon's eyes closed at the sudden and overwhelming feeling. Incoherent noises from deep in his stomach jumped out of his throat. The warm, wet everything of Killua's mouth mumbled something in response. Perfect, blue bolts of pleasure shot up Gon's spine.

"Killua..." Gon moaned, and curled his head up. He peeked his eyes open.

Moon and star light blanketed the rippling muscles of Killua's back. Silver-blond hair bobbed over his lower belly rhythmically. The sight dazzled Gon's vision like an explosive blast. His toes curled reflexively, and then his knees lifted. He felt his strength lift his hips off the bed in one powerful jerk. In the next moment, Killua's mouth fell off of him just as quickly as it had enveloped him.

"Mother fuck! Gon!" Killua shouted, with his ridiculously adorable, irritated voice. His eyes flashed at Gon, catching what little light there was like two cat's eyes. Gon had no time to react before Killua used both hands to shove his knees to the bed. He climbed on Gon's thighs, and twisted his feet around the calves, locking his legs in place.

Killua curled his back, and gripped Gon's hips until his fingers dug into the straining flesh. Gon watched Killua looking back at him with narrowed, focused eyes. The eyes changed to the dusk blue of a summer sky before a thunderstorm. Gon had seen those eyes countless times when they used to train together. He shivered with anticipation. His erection disappeared into Killua's mouth.

He watched as Killua's eyes watched him, and he realized now he was the one who couldn't maintain eye contact. His head fell back, and he tilted his chin up. Killua's fingers gripped him harder and harder as he felt himself stir and buck without knowing how to stop. Absolutely nothing he'd ever felt before had prepared him for how incredible this would finally feel. All he could do was grip the sheets of the bed until his knuckles turned white.

\----

Gon moved underneath Killua like a stallion. The body shuddered like a train moving at full speed. Killua didn't need to use his full strength to hold Gon down, but he needed to make sure he used enough not to get hurt himself. He concentrated on his grip and strength as he moved his mouth, and peeked out from under his bangs at his friend's face twisted up in pleasure.

He knew it was all just a distraction from his own insistent, throbbing need. If he moved too quickly it would be over before it all barely had a chance to begin.

The countless dreams he'd had of this moment ran in confused circles in his head. This moment shouldn't be real. He filled his mouth with heat. It felt perfectly stiff and perfectly smooth and perfect. It felt real. The edges of his senses blurred after years of imagining these sensations. The gnawing gap between truth and fantasy addled him. The shining, effortless fantasies of his youth yielded to pressure and ache and the indelible sight of a vulnerable neck curved up and away, carved from the glistening brown marble of Gon's body. 

He did not realize how intoxicating the expressions on Gon's face could be. Every action he made moved through Gon's body like ripples in a pond. It felt like discovering an extra chapter in the book he'd already devoted a lifetime to memorizing. 

"Killua, I..." Gon said, interrupting the spinning top of Killua's mind. Ten fingers gripped Killua's hair as gently as they could manage with such overwhelming need. Killua's moved his hands to cradle Gon's hips and ass as it raised off the bed. 

Gon's back arched up. His roars filled the room. Killua closed his eyes as he savored this connection ending. He imagined eyes filled with honey and light and concern looking down at him. He slowly pulled his mouth from his gasping friend's body, and released the hips he'd been holding back to the bed. 

No one spoke. Killua listened to his friend's gasping breath turn to joyful laughter. Somehow that sound made Killua blush more intensely than anything else he'd heard that night. He snapped his eyes open, and realized the legs had slipped out from under him. Without time to respond, Gon pulled Killua into his arms.

One of Gon's hands held the back of Killua's head, and his other hand pulled Killua's lower back and hips against Gon's body as they both sat up on their knees. 

"Killua," Gon whispered into Killua's ear. Killua closed his eyes. Gon repeated his name. Killua's hands grabbed Gon's back. Gon's back was slicked with sweat, and his muscled moved like iron under silk. All of the useful parts of Killua's brain were offline. All he could notice was how warm Gon's arms were, how soft his skin felt under his hands, how that voice melted into his ears in a gorgeous, incoherent mess. 

"Killua?" Gon said, pulling his head back to look Killua in the eye. "Please?"

Killua could only stare into Gon's perfect eyes, and gape wordlessly at his lips as they moved. "Hmmm?" he asked, genuinely not understanding. 

Gon smiled, wide, and Killua felt himself lifted to his feet. He nearly toppled forward with surprise, but Gon's sturdy arms steadied him. Gon pressed his mouth to Killua's bare stomach. Killua's arms windmilled like he was slipping on ice. He found himself gripping Gon's thick, black hair. Gon grunted with pleasure when he felt Killua's hands. Killua looked down, and saw Gon's head tilted all the way back, looking up between Killua's arms. 

"My turn?" Gon asked, smiling carefully.

"Gon, wait..." Killua found his voice, finally, but Gon's persistent hands had already moved to the waistband of Killua's pants. He felt Gon's arms wrapped all the way around his narrow hips, fingers slipping under the waistband. Gon's lips moved down Killua's belly. He heard himself whimper as the fingers pulled the fabric of his pants down barely an inch. 

Gon's mouth stilled. Killua felt Gon's arms tighten around him. Killua's feet moved on the bed, balancing as their bodies made the mattress dip and shift under their combined weight. Gon mumbled something against Killua's flesh. 

"Gon?" Killua asked in confusion, his fingers quivering in Gon's hair. He couldn't have heard him right. 

"I love you, Killua," Gon said, again, clearly enunciating each syllable. He felt Gon press his forehead firmly against his skin. "I love you, and I really want you, but I love you so, please, just stop me now, before I can't stop myself."

Killua's legs nearly gave out. His hands scrambled for Gon's shoulders as he bent in half over Gon's head. Gon maneuvered under him carefully, and helped Killua find his footing again. He unwrapped his arms from Killua's waist, and scooted up the bed. Killua stepped back. He found his balance, but his arms still hung in front of him awkwardly. Gon grabbed both of Killua's wrists. He curved his beautiful mouth into a frown. 

"I didn't mean..." Gon said, quickly. Killua's eyes blinked against the force of keeping them open. He grabbed Gon's hands. Gon stopped talking, but Killua heard the echoes of his regret.

_Don't do that._

"Gon," Killua said, his voice husky and wavering against the vibrations of his fluttering heart. 

_Don't regret this._

Killua reached for Gon's face with both hands. He pressed his chill hands against flushed cheeks. Gon's hands covered Killua's. 

_Don't regret loving me._

"Anything..." Killua whispered. Gon heard, and his eyes widened, yet he didn't move. Killua forced himself to use all of his bravery. He looked Gon in the eye without flinching.

_Don't regret me._

"You can do anything you want to me," Killua said. His voice was whisper quiet, but Gon moved as quickly as if he'd been startled. His large hands encircled the sides of Killua's waist. When Killua felt Gon's hands, he reached down. As if they shared a mind, Killua untied a drawstring, and Gon tugged the loosening fabric. 

The noise Gon made as he pressed the tip of Killua's uncovered cock into his mouth bent Killua's body in half, and the feeling traveled out of Killua's finger tips in actual sparks of electricity. He bunched his hand into fists. He drove the fists into Gon's shoulder muscles, hard. Gon grumbled happily as he slowly took more and more of his beloved into his mouth. 

If it wasn't for Gon's steady arms and hands, Killua's buckling legs would have sent him crumpling to the bed. He wanted to shout, but he ground his teeth together violently to try and kill the urge. 

His hips moved, unsure if he moved himself, or Gon's strong hands were guiding him. He wanted to slow everything down. He didn't want to find out what happened at the end of this. 

Yet that stubborn, powerful, gentle, irresistible mouth did expert work. Even bent in half, swallowing his moans of pleasure, Killua's mind began to work hard for him again. 

“How many times must have Gon dreamt of doing this?” Killua asked himself. The answer to that question lit the fuse to an explosion.

His eyes closed, and he couldn't fight back his voice any longer. He shouted Gon's name until he went limp.  
Gon's mouth moved off of him slowly. He gently drew Killua's body down to his lap, and hugged him. Killua's eyes remained closed as he felt Gon's body flop backwards onto the bed. 

\----  
Killua didn't do hugs. Gon learned early that doing them in public made Killua seize up like a frog under a flashlight. It wasn't much easier finding times when they were alone together, and when Killua had relaxed long enough to let Gon pull him close, let alone hold him for any amount of time. 

_"Kissing you is different," Killua told him once as Gon watched him, feeling heavy and full from kissing his friend's beautiful mouth. Killua became a little bit more comfortable with honesty on evenings like this. "Kissing you is like sparring, but when you hug me it feels..." Killua trailed off, and turned away from Gon, and he knew the moment had nearly ended. With his face to the wall, Killua crossed his arms, and finished his thought._

_"When you hold me, I can't run away."_

Gon realized he'd been lying in bed for some amount of time dozing. He looked down. He felt the shape of Killua's back under his hands. He saw his friend's eyes closed, and his face relaxed in that serious way it always did when he was sleeping. Or pretending to sleep, at least, since Killua rarely slept at night. 

"Killua?" Gon whispered. His voice sounded giddy and worn out. Killua's head was resting on his chest. His eyes blinked open. Had he actually been asleep?

"Sorry to wake you!" Gon said, softly, but with a pleased eagerness he couldn't hide. Any moment he knew he'd fall asleep himself. But he wasn't ready to say goodnight to this experience, and his friend laying in his arms. 

Killua had been laying on his side, his head resting on Gon's chest. He must have woken up at Gon's soft words. He twisted his body until his chin rested on Gon. He peeked up at Gon.

"Oh, hi Gon," Killua said, dazed and dreamy. "I..." 

Gon watched as Killua's awareness expanded to the the time and place they shared. Killua's eyes widened. They caught the light. The blue resembled the night sky outside their window. 

Killua blushed, and tried to hide his lopsided smile by rubbing his face with his hand. Gon took his hands off of his friend's back, and sat up. Killua dropped his gaze to the sheets as he crawled away from his friend. 

Killua's hair and skin moved in the darkness like flashes of lightning against a stormy horizon as he climbed off the bed. Gon felt himself grin, stupidly, the way that would always make Killua point at him and ask "What in the hell is so funny?"

"I'm just happy!" Gon would always say.

And it was true now.

"Killua," Gon started. Killua had grabbed his pants off the floor and was trying to put them on. His muscles danced on his back as he moved. Watching Killua's effortless movement made Gon feel jealous and enchanted in turn.

Killua stopped, and looked back over his shoulder. He glowered. He then saw Gon's look. He blushed. He looked more beautiful than anything Gon had ever seen. Turns out the back of Killua's neck turned red too when he blushed. Gon laughed. Killua huffed, and leaned down to put his pants on. 

"I'm happy."

Killua's head lifted. He stopped moving.

"Yeah," Killua said, quietly.

"Killua?"

"I'm happy, too, Gon," Killua murmured. Without looking back at Gon, Killua moved back into the bed.  
Gon couldn't stop smiling. He leaned back, finally ready for sleep, and closed his eyes. 

"Gon?"

Killua draped his right arm over Gon's chest, and rested his head on Gon's shoulder. The angle of Killua's head conveniently allowed him to look away from Gon's face towards the far wall. 

"Anything I want, right?"

Gon's heart tried to pound apart its cage of bone. He nodded, and muttered in agreement. He watched Killua's eyes close. Gon gingerly placed his right hand on Killua's hair. Killua sighed. 

Gon sighed, too. He whispered as Killua's breathing evened into the rhythm of sleep.

"Anything."


End file.
